Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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