somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
