I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
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