I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
