I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
