i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
