I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
