Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
