Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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