I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
