farters have to be the big spoon...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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