Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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