I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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