The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
