I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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