five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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