I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
