quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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