so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
