I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
