It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
