I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
