just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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