I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
