Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
