Whod you bang
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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