Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
