Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I want her autograph on my taint
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
