Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
