I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
