is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
