Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
