if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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