Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
