dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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