He felt like a one man threesome
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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