the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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