People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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