You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
