yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
