honey bunches of taint.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
