God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
