I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
