Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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