I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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