These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
