Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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