you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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