Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
