shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
