how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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