having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
