i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
