I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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